2
May 14
Just a couple of updates for you today, Firstly, that interview with Wellington Library I mentioned a while ago has been published, read it here. I feel kind of conflicted about even sharing it here since I’ve already posted about it on Twitter and Facebook, but uhh, if anything I think this reveals how much I enjoy seeing my own name. Secondly, issue three is slowly coming together. I have most of the interviews done, but transcribing always takes me a long time because I can’t really stand hearing the sound of my own voice and I’m really busy with uni right now. The title of the third issue is Things I Used to Believe and you can expect it about mid-late June, maybe July. And if you have any feedback, criticisms, hate mail, I have an email address, info@notgoingtotalk.com (Above: Frame from the centerfold of issue two)

Just a couple of updates for you today,

  • Firstly, that interview with Wellington Library I mentioned a while ago has been published, read it here. I feel kind of conflicted about even sharing it here since I’ve already posted about it on Twitter and Facebook, but uhh, if anything I think this reveals how much I enjoy seeing my own name.
  • Secondly, issue three is slowly coming together. I have most of the interviews done, but transcribing always takes me a long time because I can’t really stand hearing the sound of my own voice and I’m really busy with uni right now. The title of the third issue is Things I Used to Believe and you can expect it about mid-late June, maybe July.
  • And if you have any feedback, criticisms, hate mail, I have an email address, info@notgoingtotalk.com

(Above: Frame from the centerfold of issue two)


3
issue two zine

May 04
Issue Two | Interview Three I’ve had a lot of these situations with idiot customers that come into the video store where I work and say the stupidest things about movies, and they will make these horrifically awful statements. Like things that don’t even make sense. And in any other context I would do my best to correct these idiots, and maybe, if I’m lucky, make them feel somewhat embarrassed or small. And my idea of burn – you know, a kind of zing, a “HAHA GOT YOU” moment, is an offensive pun. I will fall back on it time and time again. And it’s an art that takes a lot of time to perfect. So you really need to hone your skills. Like freestyle rapping. Only somehow more devastatingly crushing, and at the same time impishly whimsical.But, see, I’m under obligation to be polite. So every time some Croc-wearing lady comes in andtells me how wonderful John Malkovich was in Little Miss Sunshine, I’m forced to smile, nod, and recommend Sunshine Cleaning. And it’s very frustrating, you know?I guess the worst part of it is that even if these people do eventually realise that they’re wrong, they’ll think nothing of it. It’s not embarrassing for them, because as the customer they’re in a position of power over me. So by the end of each shift, my brain is a mess of all the people who have declared falsities in front of me – their faces, their hair, their sweaters and coats – and all the things that I’ll never get to say to them. And sometimes, when I’m working an especially long shift, I’ll be so preoccupied with all these potential arguments that someone might bring up a copy of The West Wing and as I’m scanning the barcode I’ll say something like, “Alan Arkin is so great.” And they’ll look at me blankly and say, “Don’t you mean Alan Sorkin?”

Issue Two | Interview Three

I’ve had a lot of these situations with idiot customers that come into the video store where I work and say the stupidest things about movies, and they will make these horrifically awful statements. Like things that don’t even make sense. And in any other context I would do my best to correct these idiots, and maybe, if I’m lucky, make them feel somewhat embarrassed or small. And my idea of burn – you know, a kind of zing, a “HAHA GOT YOU” moment, is an offensive pun. I will fall back on it time and time again. And it’s an art that takes a lot of time to perfect. So you really need to hone your skills. Like freestyle rapping. Only somehow more devastatingly crushing, and at the same time impishly whimsical.

But, see, I’m under obligation to be polite. So every time some Croc-wearing lady comes in and
tells me how wonderful John Malkovich was in Little Miss Sunshine, I’m forced to smile, nod, and recommend Sunshine Cleaning. And it’s very frustrating, you know?

I guess the worst part of it is that even if these people do eventually realise that they’re wrong, they’ll think nothing of it. It’s not embarrassing for them, because as the customer they’re in a position of power over me. So by the end of each shift, my brain is a mess of all the people who have declared falsities in front of me – their faces, their hair, their sweaters and coats – and all the things that I’ll never get to say to them. And sometimes, when I’m working an especially long shift, I’ll be so preoccupied with all these potential arguments that someone might bring up a copy of The West Wing and as I’m scanning the barcode I’ll say something like, “Alan Arkin is so great.” And they’ll look at me blankly and say, “Don’t you mean Alan Sorkin?”


3
issue two zine

Apr 30
Issue Two | Interview Two I broke up with you, and you didn’t take it very well. No one blames you for that. I heard you were snorting coke, and I heard that it was getting worse, and I heard you cut and dyed your hair. And eventually, with my sisters, I told your parents. We wanted to help you out, none of us wanted to see you go down some dark road. I really felt like I’d built you up, over the course of our relationship. I felt I’d put a lot of work into making you better. Not that it should have been my job. I started dating you in your freshman year, you weren’t getting along with your parents, you weren’t eating at all, you were cutting. And for whatever reason, nine of out of the last ten girls I’ve been involved with – whether it was a relationship or just a hook up – have been depressed, and I took it upon myself to try and help them. I tried to make you strong, and independent, make you confident in yourself. And it was tough. Four or five months into the relationship talking to you became like talking to a really sad brick wall. My friends started asking me if was okay. I kept helping you. Um, and I forgot about myself for a while, and it paid off though. You started getting happier, taking joy in little things. And by the end of our relationship you were seeing a therapist, and you were taking Prozac. You were doing better. I didn’t want to put it all on myself, but I felt like I had a great deal to do with. And after we broke I was worried immediately, you’d become attached. I’m talking about you like you’re a product, like I put all this work into you, like you’re an item. But I feel like you shat on my work with the cocaine.So anyway, I told your parents, and they helped or disciplined you however they did. But I heard it started happening again. Within weeks. And I just wish I had been able to let your parents know in detail so you could be reprimanded again. I know there was talk of rehab the first time I told them. But I couldn’t because how does one bring that up to someone else’s parents, first that their daughter has a coke problem, and then immediately after they think it’s under control, that it’s happening again. You know? Like that’s just too awkward for my taste. If I did ever get around to saying anything – in retrospect, maybe I should have – I feel like I would have had to apologise first off, like, “Sorry you’re going through all of this… but here’s another pile of shit to throw on your mountain… of shit.”And of course there’s all the shit with your brother, which only made it harder. He got in trouble with the law not too long ago. And that was devastating for your parents, it would be for anyone. At the time it seemed as though it really shook you, at least it should have. And for you to go and do something like the cocaine. It just seems. I don’t know. Beyond the fact that it’s terrible for you, just the fact that your parents have already dealt with shit like this. It almost seems like overkill, if I had told them again.But at the same time, I’m stuck between these two points. I mean I’m angry at you for what you’re doing. And if I were to tell your parents, I would, in some small way, get some satisfaction out of seeing you locked away in some room somewhere. But on the other hand, you’ll suffer the consequences of your actions at some point. I might not be around to see it.

Issue Two | Interview Two

I broke up with you, and you didn’t take it very well. No one blames you for that. I heard you were snorting coke, and I heard that it was getting worse, and I heard you cut and dyed your hair. And eventually, with my sisters, I told your parents. We wanted to help you out, none of us wanted to see you go down some dark road.

I really felt like I’d built you up, over the course of our relationship. I felt I’d put a lot of work into making you better. Not that it should have been my job. I started dating you in your freshman year, you weren’t getting along with your parents, you weren’t eating at all, you were cutting. And for whatever reason, nine of out of the last ten girls I’ve been involved with – whether it was a relationship or just a hook up – have been depressed, and I took it upon myself to try and help them. I tried to make you strong, and independent, make you confident in yourself. And it was tough.

Four or five months into the relationship talking to you became like talking to a really sad brick wall. My friends started asking me if was okay. I kept helping you. Um, and I forgot about myself for a while, and it paid off though. You started getting happier, taking joy in little things. And by the end of our relationship you were seeing a therapist, and you were taking Prozac. You were doing better. I didn’t want to put it all on myself, but I felt like I had a great deal to do with. And after we broke I was worried immediately, you’d become attached. I’m talking about you like you’re a product, like I put all this work into you, like you’re an item. But I feel like you shat on my work with the cocaine.

So anyway, I told your parents, and they helped or disciplined you however they did. But I heard it started happening again.

Within weeks.

And I just wish I had been able to let your parents know in detail so you could be reprimanded again. I know there was talk of rehab the first time I told them. But I couldn’t because how does one bring that up to someone else’s parents, first that their daughter has a coke problem, and then immediately after they think it’s under control, that it’s happening again. You know? Like that’s just too awkward for my taste. If I did ever get around to saying anything – in retrospect, maybe I should have – I feel like I would have had to apologise first off, like, “Sorry you’re going through all of this… but here’s another pile of shit to throw on your mountain… of shit.”

And of course there’s all the shit with your brother, which only made it harder. He got in trouble with the law not too long ago. And that was devastating for your parents, it would be for anyone. At the time it seemed as though it really shook you, at least it should have. And for you to go and do something like the cocaine. It just seems. I don’t know. Beyond the fact that it’s terrible for you, just the fact that your parents have already dealt with shit like this. It almost seems like overkill, if I had told them again.

But at the same time, I’m stuck between these two points. I mean I’m angry at you for what you’re doing. And if I were to tell your parents, I would, in some small way, get some satisfaction out of seeing you locked away in some room somewhere. But on the other hand, you’ll suffer the consequences of your actions at some point. I might not be around to see it.


4
issue two zine marriage fuck off etc

Apr 25
Issue Two | Interview One Being a last word kind of person, I don’t shut up until I’m proved right. There is an exception to this, and that exception is my mother. The only person I have unresolved arguments with is my mother, I can pretty be stubborn but my mother is a whole new level. Every conversation with my mother starts out with me saying something, she will respond with the opposite, and I will back away. I’ve never finished an argument about politics with my mother. She is extremely right wing, and I’m not. I wouldn’t even say I’m extremely left wing, just more left than her. And she’s very argumentative about it and it’s really not worth it.So I knew my mother would not be okay with the idea of me not having a traditional wedding, and one step further, not getting married at all (unless I really have to).  I think it was one of those moments with your parents how you believe one thing for years and years and years and you realise that it doesn’t line up with what your parents think or believe or want from you, and at some point you shyly put forth the notion that you might actually want something different from what they want. And they inevitably shut you down. So when I did tell her it was one of those tentative, “You know, I might not do that.” Which was very quickly met with “Well if you’re not going to do it in a church you’d better not do it in a registry office like Auntie Eliza, because she got married and didn’t tell anyone until after the fact and it was very rude!” Which, of course, is what I’m likely to do if I end up getting married at all. But to calm her down I offered my assurances that I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing. Because that’s what you say to my mother when she yells, you placate and you backtrack. But if I had been given the chance to say what I really wanted to say. Suppose she couldn’t talk back. Suppose she was paralysed or catatonic and she couldn’t move her body and therefore couldn’t hit me. I’d probably tell her that it’s unlikely that I’ll be getting married, even more unlikely that it’ll happen in a church. I think she’ll forever hold out hope that I will though, and she’s perfectly entitled to, especially since I’m her only daughter, it’s almost like I’m taking something away from her. I mean, I’m not not getting married. I’m just not ruling out the fact that I might not. Do I make sense?

Issue Two | Interview One

Being a last word kind of person, I don’t shut up until I’m proved right. There is an exception to this, and that exception is my mother. The only person I have unresolved arguments with is my mother, I can pretty be stubborn but my mother is a whole new level. Every conversation with my mother starts out with me saying something, she will respond with the opposite, and I will back away. I’ve never finished an argument about politics with my mother. She is extremely right wing, and I’m not. I wouldn’t even say I’m extremely left wing, just more left than her. And she’s very argumentative about it and it’s really not worth it.

So I knew my mother would not be okay with the idea of me not having a traditional wedding, and one step further, not getting married at all (unless I really have to).  I think it was one of those moments with your parents how you believe one thing for years and years and years and you realise that it doesn’t line up with what your parents think or believe or want from you, and at some point you shyly put forth the notion that you might actually want something different from what they want. And they inevitably shut you down. So when I did tell her it was one of those tentative, “You know, I might not do that.” Which was very quickly met with “Well if you’re not going to do it in a church you’d better not do it in a registry office like Auntie Eliza, because she got married and didn’t tell anyone until after the fact and it was very rude!” Which, of course, is what I’m likely to do if I end up getting married at all. But to calm her down I offered my assurances that I wouldn’t dream of doing such a thing. Because that’s what you say to my mother when she yells, you placate and you backtrack.

But if I had been given the chance to say what I really wanted to say. Suppose she couldn’t talk back. Suppose she was paralysed or catatonic and she couldn’t move her body and therefore couldn’t hit me. I’d probably tell her that it’s unlikely that I’ll be getting married, even more unlikely that it’ll happen in a church. I think she’ll forever hold out hope that I will though, and she’s perfectly entitled to, especially since I’m her only daughter, it’s almost like I’m taking something away from her. I mean, I’m not not getting married. I’m just not ruling out the fact that I might not. Do I make sense?


1
Apr 20
I hope you’re sitting comfortably because I have a couple of things to tell you. Firstly, what’s 25% better than issues one and two for $5 each? 25% PERCENT OFF THE FIRST TWO ISSUES OF THINGS WE’RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT’S WHAT! Magcloud are taking 25% off the price of all of its publications until May 13th, so there really isn’t any better time to buy the zine (for you, at least. I have no idea whether that 25% is coming from pocket or theirs, they haven’t told me). Secondly, the first issue of Things We’re Not Going to Talk About has been added to Wellington City Library’s Zine Collection - it’s literally there on the shelf, I saw it with my own eyes, it was kind of exciting, but also frustrating because the “first run” had some issues with layout and alignment WHICH I HAVE NOW FIXED! Not only did they add the zine to their collection, but they were also kind enough to interview me for the zine blog. Which was a terrifying experience. I have no idea when the interview is going to be posted, but I will be sure to let you know so you may all be bound together in an overwhelming sense of secondhand embarrassment for me.

I hope you’re sitting comfortably because I have a couple of things to tell you.

Firstly, what’s 25% better than issues one and two for $5 each? 25% PERCENT OFF THE FIRST TWO ISSUES OF THINGS WE’RE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT THAT’S WHAT! Magcloud are taking 25% off the price of all of its publications until May 13th, so there really isn’t any better time to buy the zine (for you, at least. I have no idea whether that 25% is coming from pocket or theirs, they haven’t told me).

Secondly, the first issue of Things We’re Not Going to Talk About has been added to Wellington City Library’s Zine Collection - it’s literally there on the shelf, I saw it with my own eyes, it was kind of exciting, but also frustrating because the “first run” had some issues with layout and alignment WHICH I HAVE NOW FIXED!

Not only did they add the zine to their collection, but they were also kind enough to interview me for the zine blog. Which was a terrifying experience. I have no idea when the interview is going to be posted, but I will be sure to let you know so you may all be bound together in an overwhelming sense of secondhand embarrassment for me.


14
issue two zine shit i made everyone look! disclaimer: i don't actually know if zinefest is happening this year

Apr 14
Issue Two is here! It took a little longer than expected, but we finally got there and I think we should be proud of ourselves. We’re talking about arguments this time (for those of you who couldn’t already tell). This issue features six interviews about bitterness, resentment, marriage, John Malkovich, exhibitionism and other things left unsaid. Just like last time, the zine is available over on Magcloud for $5! Or, even better, just $1 for the digital version! Or, if you’re financially impaired you can preview the zine FOR FREE over here. I’d better get started on the next issue if I want to make it to Auckland Zinefest with an adequate number of zines. - Simon

Issue Two is here! It took a little longer than expected, but we finally got there and I think we should be proud of ourselves.

We’re talking about arguments this time (for those of you who couldn’t already tell). This issue features six interviews about bitterness, resentment, marriage, John Malkovich, exhibitionism and other things left unsaid.

Just like last time, the zine is available over on Magcloud for $5! Or, even better, just $1 for the digital version!

Or, if you’re financially impaired you can preview the zine FOR FREE over here.

I’d better get started on the next issue if I want to make it to Auckland Zinefest with an adequate number of zines.

- Simon


1
Mar 12
Issue One (Hearts I Didn’t Mean to Break but Did)Interview Three, Three Weeks Ago So I’ve been living overseas teaching English for a few months now. And there’s this girl, this sweet, charming, kind of weird seventeen-year-old girl. One day you started talking to me, because your English is really good. Which is fine, I mean, I assumed you had honest intentions. My skin is white so perhaps I was something of a novelty to you. Eventually it got to the point where you were waiting for me each morning as I walked from my apartment to my car. Always ready with some new compliment for me, it became clear that you had a bit of a crush on me. I let it continue for a few days, I was away from most of my friends and my family and the attention was kind of nice. After I felt it was getting a little weird, I managed to explain to you that I was a teacher and you were a student, that I had to be careful with my relationships here and that even though we weren’t at the same school it still wasn’t okay. You took it personally, you started getting defensive. I finally ended with “I’m gay” and with a look of dismay on your face I turned away, said something about being late to class and ran towards my car.A week later I was leaving the school gates, a girl about your age approached me and asked me if I knew you. I told her we had met. She asked me for my phone number. She said she wanted to make foreign friend. To avoid further confrontation I took her phone and entered the wrong number. Click to preview the first issue. | Click to purchase the first issue.

Issue One (Hearts I Didn’t Mean to Break but Did)
Interview Three, Three Weeks Ago

So I’ve been living overseas teaching English for a few months now. And there’s this girl, this sweet, charming, kind of weird seventeen-year-old girl. One day you started talking to me, because your English is really good. Which is fine, I mean, I assumed you had honest intentions. My skin is white so perhaps I was something of a novelty to you.

Eventually it got to the point where you were waiting for me each morning as I walked from my apartment to my car. Always ready with some new compliment for me, it became clear that you had a bit of a crush on me. I let it continue for a few days, I was away from most of my friends and my family and the attention was kind of nice.

After I felt it was getting a little weird, I managed to explain to you that I was a teacher and you were a student, that I had to be careful with my relationships here and that even though we weren’t at the same school it still wasn’t okay. You took it personally, you started getting defensive. I finally ended with “I’m gay” and with a look of dismay on your face I turned away, said something about being late to class and ran towards my car.

A week later I was leaving the school gates, a girl about your age approached me and asked me if I knew you. I told her we had met. She asked me for my phone number. She said she wanted to make foreign friend.

To avoid further confrontation I took her phone and entered the wrong number.

Click to preview the first issue. | Click to purchase the first issue.


14
zine news

Mar 05
Some things have been happening over the past couple of week, yes they have. Here is a short list of those things. I’m pleased to announce the three winners of the competition I held last month are peachdrug, colporteur and tellypop. I will endeavor to get your prizes to you as soon as possible. The first issue of Things We’re Not Going To Talk About is now (or will soon be) available from Wellington Zine Library. I’ll be posting a little more information about that in a couple of weeks. Interviews have been completed for the second issue, however I’ve just started uni so my spare time has significantly decreased. That said, I will do my best to get it completed within a couple of months.

Some things have been happening over the past couple of week, yes they have. Here is a short list of those things.

  • I’m pleased to announce the three winners of the competition I held last month are peachdrug, colporteur and tellypop. I will endeavor to get your prizes to you as soon as possible.
  • The first issue of Things We’re Not Going To Talk About is now (or will soon be) available from Wellington Zine Library. I’ll be posting a little more information about that in a couple of weeks.
  • Interviews have been completed for the second issue, however I’ve just started uni so my spare time has significantly decreased. That said, I will do my best to get it completed within a couple of months.

4
Issue one Zine

Feb 28
Issue One (Hearts I Didn’t Mean to Break but Did)Interview Two, Two Years Ago I’m not really a heart breaker. I guess I’m more of the getting it broken type. The last time I saw you was March of 2010, over a long weekend. We’d kind of been having a few hard times the month before. You felt like I didn’t really understand, and I didn’t and I couldn’t. So I really hoped seeing you again would set us back on track.The first two days were super great, but because we had such a short amount of time together and I felt like I should have been actively trying to make things better between us. I was under a lot of pressure. It didn’t work out too well.I was having trouble getting hard. So sex was tough. And you wanted to be having sex. You were in a place in your life where you blamed my poor performance on yourself, you got really sad and we had a tough night. We went to sleep with our backs turned to each other, it was kind of like a movie.  We woke up, we still felt terrible. I can still remember a lot of things about that last day really clearly. I can remember vividly the scent of the perfume you were wearing. Your leather jacket. I remember hugging you and feeling how thin you were. We were at the airport. We were both getting pretty teary, and you told me, “Even if we’re not seeing each other, even if we’re not dating, I want you to come and see me in the summer.” I really wasn’t expecting to hear that. When we finally did break up, I couldn’t really do anything for days. And it seems weird talking about this. Like, I haven’t had to talk about this since I was still in mourning from the event, I guess. I’m trying to express the event removed from the emotions that went along with it. I want to talk about how I feel you now. It’s not really comparable to anything else. Because I love you now as much as I did then, but in a way that’s morphed from being a romantic relationship into something I can’t really place. It’s more than a friendship… I guess it’s closest to loving you like you’re a family member, but that isn’t right either. Click to preview the first issue | Click to purchase the first issue

Issue One (Hearts I Didn’t Mean to Break but Did)
Interview Two, Two Years Ago

I’m not really a heart breaker. I guess I’m more of the getting it broken type. The last time I saw you was March of 2010, over a long weekend.

We’d kind of been having a few hard times the month before. You felt like I didn’t really understand, and I didn’t and I couldn’t. So I really hoped seeing you again would set us back on track.

The first two days were super great, but because we had such a short amount of time together and I felt like I should have been actively trying to make things better between us. I was under a lot of pressure. It didn’t work out too well.

I was having trouble getting hard. So sex was tough. And you wanted to be having sex. You were in a place in your life where you blamed my poor performance on yourself, you got really sad and we had a tough night. We went to sleep with our backs turned to each other, it was kind of like a movie. 

We woke up, we still felt terrible.

I can still remember a lot of things about that last day really clearly. I can remember vividly the scent of the perfume you were wearing. Your leather jacket. I remember hugging you and feeling how thin you were.

We were at the airport. We were both getting pretty teary, and you told me, “Even if we’re not seeing each other, even if we’re not dating, I want you to come and see me in the summer.” I really wasn’t expecting to hear that.

When we finally did break up, I couldn’t really do anything for days. And it seems weird talking about this. Like, I haven’t had to talk about this since I was still in mourning from the event, I guess. I’m trying to express the event removed from the emotions that went along with it.

I want to talk about how I feel you now. It’s not really comparable to anything else. Because I love you now as much as I did then, but in a way that’s morphed from being a romantic relationship into something I can’t really place. It’s more than a friendship… I guess it’s closest to loving you like you’re a family member, but that isn’t right either.

Click to preview the first issue | Click to purchase the first issue


42
issue one zine

Feb 21

What’s better than a zine? A FREE ZINE!

And you can win a free zine, yes you can!

I have three copies of the first issue of Things We’re Not Going to Talk About to give away. Along with three A4 posters featuring on the centerfold of the zine.

To enter the competition, simply follow notgoingtotalk.com and reblog this post before the 5th of March, then hope for the best.

Good luck!

Oh, and remember you can purchase the zine from here. Or preview it over here.